Tools – Best Practices

Tools – Best Practices  

 

Understand

·         Remember that Fetal Alcohol is organic brain damage. Do not take things personal. As a parent, recently, so eloquently said to me,”If I had realized the depth of the disability, I would not have taken so personal their attacks.” A few days later they said, “Sometimes, I feel guilty that I did not understand earlier.”

·         Always beware of the percentages

o    80% need assisted living

o    80% cannot keep a job

o   70% will be locked up for alcohol and drug rehab, for mental health, of which the largest reason being for crime

o   60% disrupted school experience

o   50% sexual issues

·         Beware of their other diagnoses and how they affect them, especially attachment disorder

·         About the developmental gap

·         You must be flexible

·         Confusion

·         Slow processing

 

Techniques I use to help me to be calm

·         The less something is said and the calmer it is said, the more effective it will be.

·         Delayed parenting- calms them down – I use my timing

·         Use a Cognitive Thinking Program (see website Dad’s Seminar Forms)

·         Use a point system

·         Have a level system or home base.(100% kids) (see website Dad’s Seminar Forms)

·         Do re-runs – for incorrect actions or behaviors

·         Talk with another person about the child in front of them, and they are not allowed to talk or to defend themselves

·         Be honest with them about their own socially unacceptable behaviors

·         Build their self-esteem – not a false self-esteem – teach them a skill

·         Build a relationship with them. with some, this is a very difficult. Fetal Alcohol and attachment disorder can make building a relationship with them, at times, impossible

·         Make things a non-issue

 

Teach Them

·         Sometimes persons with Fetal Alcohol have a developmental growth spurt in their late 20s to mid-30s, which means they can do things that they could not have done before. Things such as: keep a job or they stop making choices that puts them in jail. There is hope at times.

·         Teach them to forgive – forgive others and themselves, including forgiving you for not understanding and for judging their heart                                                            

·         Teach them to stay connected, accept help, ask for help, and be nice.  A persons worth is not in keeping out of jail

·         Do the workbook with them (see website Fetal Alcohol Workbook)

·         Teach them life skills (see website Fetal Alcohol Workbook)

·         Teach them to use to-do lists, calendars, and have goals – again and again and again

·         Teach them to be organized in their rooms, their school, and their lives

·         Teach them to do their daily chores and projects

·         Teach them to be a team player

·         Teach them not to blame other, but to find solutions to their problems

·         About brain health

·         Special for little kids

o        Sitting on the bucket

o        Home base

o        Talk to them about

1.    Fetal Alcohol

2.    Out of control

3.    Loving them unconditionally

4.    Not liking their behaviors

5.    Helping them gain control

 

Conclusion

·         Protection- protection- protection

·         Be willing to change and to try new things

·         Realize, at times, nothing works

·         Try to understand their confusion

·         Take care of yourself and if you’re married, your wife or husband. Do not use it as a selfish thing, but to build yourselves up so you can do the task at hand

·         They may have a part-time conscience

·         Love is not enough, but it is extremely important

 

 

John Hays

HaysKids@HaysKids.org

218-969-2116